My name is Catherine, and I am a recuperating compulsive dependent gambler. Jan 29th, 2007 will be my 10-year mark in recuperation, but will never disremember where I have come from with gambling dependence.
Gambling addiction took away my life without killing me, it took away my family, friends, occupation, my house, and almost ruined my love life with my husband. It cost me more than what money can buy. Concurrently, I was as well hurting from unknown physiological & emotional health challenges and ailments I had no idea about till 2002.
I felt depressed, frustrated and angry.
My First Unsuccessful Self-Murder Attempt
I arouse in an infirmary with bandages enfolded around both wrists and could listen two individuals speaking about knives all over the living room as I passed out once more. All I recollect was everything turning dark in emptiness. Presently I know it was an entire personality and body separate. A psychological or emotional loss of consciousness. From there I visited a dependency/mental problem centre.
I was on suicide view the first few days. After a little while, I got help from the psychiatrist there. And of course, since I was also a compulsive gambler, I needed extra treatment. Thus, I began working with an addictions advocate too.
I tried quitting gambling without external help, but it was futile instead I had delved more into it; worse still, I even gambled when in rehab. I suppose I had not arrived underneath still.
Even after staying for 20 days in a crisis centre and a failed suicide!
What Could Be Happening To Me?
It is called ADDICTION. It is an ailment that is really difficult to get over. But possible. And it turned out It was not the last time I should fight this sickness.
Not because the compulsive gambling, I committed suicide again in 2006 for being unable to cope with the pressure of financial issues. It felt like I haven't completely recover my life including my financial condition.
Principal step? Draft out a roadmap to your desired wellbeing. But in 2006 I also only wished to be normal, live life in recovery without having to use drugs for mental/emotional problems. Hence, I ceased taking them believing it was just the gambling that was inducing my mental malady issues of PTSD, manic depression, mild mania anxiety and bipolar insomnia cycles and OCD. So, in a period of two weeks with no medications? I was back to intense depression and wanting to commit self-murder. The way I handled it by taking the pills at once dragged me back to the dark side of emptiness again.
Back in the healthcare facility, another 16-day crisis base stay and days of self-destructive observation.
When dismissed this time, I had found out the difficult way that I require to take meds to keep my mental/emotional health and welfare as they refer this being "dually diagnosed or dual diagnosis."
Along with the bitter moments in recovery, when they remind me to have faith, I took some life lessons out of it. If we are not digesting them, we won't see our development. Even when you are not taking part in your choice of dependence, we can yet have issues come up and life troubles in recuperation, so being ready is crucial.
Where Can I Be Heading With This Section Of My Narrative?
First, the practices and actions that we earn and learn within any dependence and "the cycle" of any dependence have to be discontinued and removed for us to have an opportunity at a very honest recovery. Balance is the key in your recuperation way also. Learning the arts and implements in treatment and therapy to discontinue the repeated processes of addiction and clear a path for dispersing control, disavowal, justifications, and more.
Second, know that recovery is not an instant process. It is as necessary to agree as Step one, complete surrender.
Next, is having a setup which halts the regression of the whole remedial process and it is essential for any individual who desires a permanent positive outcome. We all believe that life occurrences take place. Even joyful or favourable occurrences, not only bad or grievous ones.
This accounts for the multitudes of questions by several popular sites when checking if you are addicted to gambling. It is the reason they posture #19.) "Did you ever have a desire to commend any favourable luck by a couple of hours of betting?" YES! For me, even when things wonderful took place, I would need to jubilee by going purportedly to have some "fun" gambling. However, my dependence was very serious I required anything I could pick up to recover, not only Gamblers Anonymous.
I utilized my gatherings and associations there for my support and tuning in to other similarly invested addicts and keep my point of view of how deceptive and crafty this disease is. And GA made me know how necessary it is to be available for others through recovery service as others were there for me when I was a newcomer.
We have to begin a discussion about this still hush, hush dependence. Let's break up the "myths" concerning it. It is one way to break the "stigma" surrounding it, and surrounding those who live dual diagnosed also. It is undeniable that mental issues in recovery is a tough way to face, but I hope my story can be a light in the darkness for some people that almost lose their strength and hope that recovery can actually work. It is still possible for patients to have beautiful, happy live ahead.