6 Signs Indicating You've Lost Control of Your Addiction
6 Signs Indicating You've Lost Control of Your Addiction
How can you tell when you are already overwhelmed by your addiction? Having a life with addiction could be a very difficult time.
Having handled with it for years, I lost and retrieved control of my life, my thoughts and my body after what felt like a life full of battle, anxiety, and depression. It felt like the end of the world to me, there was nothing bigger than the worries of myself.
The worries never died, haunted me to sleep and everywhere I went, whatever I did.
All of my worries and troubles muddled up all of a sudden and disappeared throughout that intense feeling of fake happiness and blissfulness that eventually lead to my darkest hour.
The period before I enrolled in a remedial program remains one of the toughest periods of my addiction. Not being capable to accept I had an issue was what took charge of my daily and made me dig like a madman in my own mind searching for exemptions and arguments to justify my attitude, till I ultimately recognised it had carried away all things I worried about, every person I ever adored and every dream I ever had.
Here Are 6 Signs That Opened My Eyes To Give Me A Chance To Perceive How I Lost Control Of My Life
Everyday feels just the same, no joy, only darkness.
When I was a strong user, what or how much of it I took means nothing, life would still remain how it had been. Depression dominated over me like a heavy blanket that prevented me from moving in any direction. My situation appeared hopeless while my lamentations were only equalled by the feeling of being let-down which my family felt because of me. Then, all I felt were guilt and frustration getting into me, I pictured my beloved family and friends were disappointed by me I almost could not forgive myself. Everything in my life was telling me that I was the worst person for letting down everyone who cared about me, that I have made the worst mistakes over and over again. The frustration and guilt were like a loop, went on and on, giving me an excuse to go back to using the reason of the frustration, I did not realize that I was feeding the loop. By using it over and over again, I hit the bottom of depression and I felt like I could not crawl my way out, I was so hopeless in the darkest place to be. At this stage, the uneasiness and the despair in life turned out to be such a weight, to the point that despite the fact that I was utilizing to get away, it was just pushing me harder into my enslavement.
All the things you pay attention to fades out till you miss it
Some of the people I had close to me during my time as a stoner were present to support me till the very end, and for this, I'm so grateful. Some others could no longer take it and left permanently since they couldn't simply comprehend how my dependence worked. Truly, my problems were complex, and it affected my attitude towards the people who stood by me. Suddenly the only thing which mattered to me was using more of the substance. I began to report wiped out at work since I didn't crave going. I could not stand not using so I skipped meetings, and social get-togethers regardless of who was involved. Life contracted itself to only a certain something, and that extremely one thing was what killed the lights throughout my life to the point where I lost all that I once thought about.
You become a puppet to drugs.
Self-motivation was not my strength. When I was utilizing, I cant even recall how many occasions I told myself it was the final time. Each of those moments lead to me believing how it would be well to just apply a small portion more as a "goodbye" to the substances. It was impossible to converse with people nor have them see me, despair and nervousness were written all over me, and this made me feel extremely bitter. I avoided all my obligations and duties rather I stayed indoors. My debt rose during this period. Now and again the telephone wouldn't quit ringing since everyone knew there was something incorrectly going ahead in my life; I simply would not like to disclose to them they were correct. I felt like didn't have control over anything any longer. Not even when, where or even how much I utilized.
You deceive to every person with the inclusion of yourself
This was maybe the thing that compounded the situation than what they could've been. Clearly, the lies had the role they played in my self-destruction, but the truth remains that these lies are due to what everyone would think about my addiction, but eventually they were not sustainable. I was taking money from friends and family, never being able to return it. Addiction destroyed my life in every aspects, it took away my money, my health, and my relieved feelings. I was misusing my body. I desisted from food, stopped looking after myself, began to shed weight at a frightening speed; everybody knew I was having issues and they all wished to render assistance, but lying to them and myself only created a barrier between them and me. The barrier around me got tougher as the lies kept adding up. I told myself various tales, debates and explanations to maintain utilizing that I think could've written a book on bad justifications to misuse drugs.
The thought of being sober scares you so you continue in the use of drugs.
Pull-out is one of the depressive phases for an addict. Depression, frustration and other negative feelings are something that everyone do not want to keep, for an addict, those are more like feelings to avoid. I was taking in order not to lose that feeling of euphoria since I understand what came after and I could not handle it. There is this desire to take more drugs as an escape route due to the level of tension within you. What's more, because of the way that the more I utilized the more resilience I assembled, it turned out to be more regrettable inside time.
Nothing else matters
I drowned myself by reasons to keep using. All the bonds with adorable ones were ended by me. All my worries became confirmed and I no longer sympathized with anything else apart from being high. I created a huge gap between myself and everyone else so no one could come across though some of them stood and waited for the chance to crossover just to assist me. I was very blind by my dependence that literally no other thing counted. I lost my job, my phone stopped ringing, even my family started to take steps back and leave me.
At this juncture, words from the ones I adored the most began to sink inside my head. When I thought everything was lost, when I trusted that I had wound up in a sorry situation, I understood I required help and there were sufficient around to help me move out of that dull and profound well I had fallen into.
The bad experience of addiction was something I would never want to get into again, it was probably as worse for my family and friends beside me, we buried the history deep down. I think things could've been somehow simpler on every person if we all understood a bit more concerning what dependence implies not only to the dependent but as well to the family. As things were moving out of control, those that constantly supported me were paying attention to all these signs that I could not see from the start.
Love and persistence were two things that spared me and my friends and family.
I thought all was lost but eventually, I undergo a recuperation process that opened my eyes to a fresh happy healthy life, where I haven't stopped thinking about my past but I pardon myself for what I did and asked for forgiveness with no embarrassment. It was not easy, I won't deceive you, but I'm so glad that I wasn't unaccompanied and that I still have people who have confidence in me until I recovered.
Detecting these signs can bring a big difference in the life of a dependent, allowing them understand that you yet care despite how bad things will get can be what in the end brightens up the road to sobriety.